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14th-Mar-2016 09:46 pm - Afraid To Fall In Love Again

The more I talk to you, the more I fall for you.

The more I listen to Death Cab for Cutie, the more I think of you.

Please don't do what the other guy did.

Sometimes I feel that you feel the same way but I do not like to over analyze things.

I like you as a friend and I don't even know sometimes...

10th-Dec-2015 12:28 am - Com 207 Final Speech- Self Love
To love oneself is the beginning of a life long romance. This was a quote I shared on my Facebook back in October 2011 as I captioned it aww. Even though I had no clue what this quote meant, I just shared it because I thought it would look cute on my timeline. But since the posting of my Oscar Wilde quote and the time I've re-shared it on my Facebook, I've learned to genuinely love myself as a person inside and out. 

First of all, genuinely loving yourself as a person will help you become more confident. According to Psychology Today, self love builds confidence and will power. I can totally vouch for this because Ever since I started loving myself, I have built the confidence to do things I would have never imagined I'd be able to do. For instance, I'm not afraid of traveling alone, going to the movies alone, going out to dinner alone, or asking men out on dates, even though some people are still stuck on making men make the first move. I consider myself a risk taker. I feel that my confidence has also helped me network when I've gone places such as concerts and I already have a couple jobs lined up for when I graduate from Central. I'm not afraid to do these things because in the end, we regret the things that we didn't do. 

According to the inner Buddha dot com, self love will help you accept the person you are in which you'll be more likely to learn to take care of yourself. I now know that I have control of my life and of myself internally and externally. I have started making small step changes to better my mental and my physical health. It's all about baby steps. Little by little. When I started learning to love myself and accepting the person that I am, I accepted that I am a concert goer who loves alternative and indie rock music and Star Wars. I feel that because of this, I started making genuine friends and even with famous musicians who like me for me. For instance, I'm friends with my favorite band. If someone who had told me five years ago, when I discovered their music, that is be friends with them someday, I wouldn't have believed them. I live a very abnormal life but I'm ok with that. I've learned to accept my abnormal life because I love my life. I'm in love with my life. To some people, it may look like I'm living in a fantasy world, only this is my reality.

Not everyone you meet in life is going to like you but it's important that we learn to love ourselves because in the end, we really only have our self.

And last but not least, like the old saying says, "love yourself before anyone else does." How else do you expect for someone to love you if you can't love yourself? Self love is the key to finding true love. According to Tom Rabak, the happiest professor on campus, a psychology professor at Central Washington University, when individuals sincerely care and love their inner selves, they can then share the happiness with others. Self love also involves the process of continual reflection through critical thinking and incorporating the qualitative notion of mindfulness. Loving one's self is a challenge and often people avoid new possibilities, but we will never know unless we try, right? 

Now I know what you maybe thinking, it's easier said than done which is true. But if you don't love yourself, I would give self love a shot. Just know that it's not going to happen overnight. You won't magically wake up one day and love yourself, it's going to take time. It's a journey. Maybe start off by taking a good look at yourself in the mirror in your natural beauty. I know that I can actually take a good look in the mirror, and I actually like what I see but I also know that I have the power to change. It's taken me years to get to where I am today. And this is coming from someone who was angry at the world and hated themselves so much, they thought about committing suicide. But what stopped me was actually this album. I feel like that is one of the reasons I was able to learn to love myself. By surrounding myself with positive vibes and people and getting lost in the music. But I can guarantee you, that once you genuinely learn to love yourself inside and out, you'll be able to find true happiness along the way. Now go out and spread the happiness. And have no fear, because we're still here.  
I want to send you a very sappy love letter. Where can I do that? It's way beyond snapchat's taste. And I don't know if Facebook will deliver it.
It's just something that I want to get off my chest. Something that's been on my mind lately. I just wish I didn't have to resort to telling you online. But I'm sure you've always figured it out. I'm sure you've known the whole time. But I guess I just want to know how you feel. Ugh, in case you were wondering, I like you more than a friend. I always have. Since the moment we started talking. I tried to get over you the moment you told me you had a girlfriend but that obviously didn't work.
I fell harder for you instead. I'm sorry I resorted to telling you via snapchat. I just thought that maybe that was the only way you'd see this message. I'll send you the sappy love letter on Facebook. It will be there whenever you decide to open my messages. If you don't feel the same way, just let me down easy but I really can't picture my life without you Loudly crying face Especially because you made such a difference in my life. You helped me grow into the person I am today. Sorry for bugging you so much.
Oh yes. And one time I applied to be on MTV's catfish, this was 2 years ago, because I wanted to meet you and I actually got a call back but I didn't go through with it because I got scared. But I still want to meet you. Hope you still want to meet me. Sorry for the neediness. I just care way too much I guess. I'll stop though. And I'm sorry if I just threw this on you all of a sudden. I just want to know how you feel?
12th-Aug-2015 12:45 pm - Dear Sanjo

Dear Sanjo,

Words can not explain how much you mean to me. When I first met you, I never would have thought you would mean so much to me. I remember seeing you on the bottom left hand side of my screen saying you spoke Spanish or something. And I remember clicking your profile because I thought you were cute. And I asked you if you wanted to be my pen pal but you said you weren't sure if us being pen pals counted for since we both lived in the United States. I enjoyed reading your about me and the more and more we talked the harder I fell for you. I couldn't help it but it just happened.

I opened up to you really quickly and you always seemed to genuinely care. You helped me through some of the darkest points in my life and I seriously don't even know what I would have done without your emotional support.

Lately I've been realizing that my feelings for you never left. I've liked you since basically the time we started talking. Maybe there were times where it seemed that I didn't but it was just because I thought that maybe I could get over you because you had a girlfriend.

This is embarrassing to admit but I was also desperate for affection. And one of my sisters always put so much pressure on me for making friends at school and would always call me out for not having friends at my university. For the longest time, I thought maybe a guy could help me find happiness. But last fall, when I took a Psych class actually, I realized that finding true and genuine happiness is really finding it within. I believe I have found it within myself. I mean, at least that's the way I see it.

I've also learned to love myself. Growing up, that was one of my biggest obstacles. Trying to love myself for me. I used to hate myself and hurt myself but now I take care of myself. I actually like what I see when I look in the mirror. And I feel that because I am able to love myself fully, I can finally let someone to love me if they desire to. And if I want to change, I have the power to change. That is why I working for my dream body. Even though I love myself, I want people to see me the way I see myself. I want to feel even more confident than I already do. And not to mention, I want to be healthier. I want to live a long and healthy lifestyle. But right now, I'm trying to fight my fat kid problems. Which I'm doing so day by day. I'm on my fitness journey. I don't know how long it'll take me to get to my goal weight but I've realized it's not a race to the finish, I'm ok with taking my time as well as taking my time when it comes to my education.

I've struggled with guys telling me in the past the id be perfect if I were thin. And I appreciate that you've never ever said anything about my body or my size. And I do appreciate as well that you've been supportive.

I'm not going to lie, I want to be someone's dream girl. And I want people to know that had some struggles and obstacles of my own that I was able to overcome.

It was just until recently that I realized that making friends at my university isn't a priority to me and that if people don't want to be my friend, then it's their loss.

I work in a dinning hall so all the people I have met who I would consider friends, they've been customers and I'll talk to them and that's how we've become friends. But I wouldn't really consider my coworkers at school friends because it's not like we hang out outside of work. We just went out on my birthday and that's it. I also work at an amphitheater and I do consider most of my coworkers there family.

Working at the Gorge Amphitheater really boosted my self confidence last summer. It's like my confidence skyrocketed. But overall, I'd have to say that you're the reason for me being the person that I am today. You helped me become the person that I am today and you helped me when I was feeling down and hopeless.

When I first met you, I was so insecure. I don't know if you have any of the pictures I sent you from when we first started talking but I have noticed that difference between the pictures then and the pictures now is my smile. You can tell that I'm genuinely happy in the pictures I take now.

It's been three years since we started talking and we still haven't met. I've been wanting to meet you for so long now but I've been afraid. That's why I keep putting it off. But like I told you recently, I'm super serious about meeting you next summer. I started cutting back on going to concerts just so I can go visit you. I've been taking the money that I would have spent and stashing it. And that's what I'm going to do between now and then.

Sanjo, you're always on my mind, and whenever I think of you, I just feel so in love and so incredibly blessed by the fact that you're in my life. And just writing this makes me tear up. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you. And whatever happens between us, I feel like I'm always going to love you because I feel that you'll always be my Sanjo Bear.

13th-Dec-2013 11:39 pm - Long Time No See! :)

Hey Livejournal!

I'm back! And boy am I a different person! Different than the person I was 1 year ago. I'm happier. A LOT happier.

28th-Feb-2012 08:35 pm - Writer's Block: Million Dollar Smile
The most I ever got was $50
24th-Feb-2012 11:45 pm - Writer's Block: Just Say No!
Chewing my nails
What bad habit have you broken?
11th-Jan-2012 06:05 pm - Writer's Block: People’s Choice
Sameer Gadhia of Young the Giant! :3
Who is your favorite celebrity right now?
3rd-Jan-2012 01:17 am - Writer's Block: Words to Live by
"I'd do anything to be happy."~Noah and the Whale "Blue Skies"
1st-Jan-2012 01:08 pm - Writer's Block: Happy New Year!
I want to get healthy and in shape.
I want to be organized and stay organized.
I also want to get my life back in order.
I believe 2012 will be my year! :)
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